His daughter must be dead. That’s what Archie Gottesman concluded when he checked out his middle-aged daughter, who was out with friends on a warm summer night in New York City. The phone tracker, the phone, and the phone’s owner—a young woman in her mid-20s—stood by the Hudson River, motionless, for hours. “I was sure he was in trouble,” Gottesman said. There was nothing she could do, except to call and call and wake up her husband and join in the worry. (The girlfriend’s friend answered her phone. They were drinking.)
Like many parents, Gottesman keeps track of her children’s whereabouts with a tracking app on her phone. It’s a widespread practice: almost half of parents track their children, while a quarter continue to do so when those children are older. According to a Pew Foundation study, women dominate the space: young women (31%) are followed more often than young men (21%), and mothers are more protective than fathers. Google Maps and regular Apple watches and phones allow parents to find out where their children are instantly. Life360, another popular app, includes additional features, such as the detection of vehicle accidents over 25mph, and driving summaries that provide a “weekly summary of everyone’s behavior.”
Much has been written about the obstacles to tracking children. Cyber-stalking of teenagers can stifle independence and reduce trust when done in private. There may be accountability for the safety of a young person: a young person who knows he is being tracked may absolve himself of any responsibility and not care where he is; Mother will save him. And kids who don’t like their parents’ supervision can find ways to avoid digital intrusion by parking their phone at home, letting the battery die, or bypassing technology. According to Lisa Damour, clinical psychologist and author of The Emotional Life of Adolescents“When it comes to knowing what’s going on with a young person, having a place where they are is no substitute for having a strong and effective relationship.”
But how does tracking children affect parents who monitor their children? “(T)o often people use it to replace uncertainty with certainty,” Meg Jay, author and psychologist, wrote to me in an email. The more anxious a parent is, the more likely they are to check their children’s locations. “Therapists call people like these drug addicts, because instead of sitting and being uncomfortable for a while, they want information or information that things are okay,” he added. That guarantee may last a while. Watching their children have fun in the wee hours of the morning, eating at a fast food place for the seventh time that week, or spending the night in a mysterious place it’s annoying parenting concerns—and often creates conflict between partners about what to do, Jay adds.
And to the extent that tracking offers a glimmer of security, that feeling can be lost: location tracking is a blunt tool that can easily be misread; one child “trapped” in an unfamiliar environment may engage in harmless activity, while another apparently secure in an apartment or dormitory may take foolish risks.
