Your partner’s AI habit may be your new relationship problem

Beth, 27, had been in a relationship with a man we’ll call Matt* when the two passed the milestone of a modern relationship.

Matt followed Beth on Instagram. He followed her back. They continued chatting on Whatsapp and planned their next date.

But the next day, Beth saw something scary. In Matt’s Instagram stories, he was involved in the practice of using artificial intelligence to create a doll-like image of himself, complete with themed accessories. Beth quickly became angry.

“It was intense on so many levels,” Beth said in shock over the bitter margaritas in the cans. “The first is that he participated in a lame social media trend – and late, I might add – and the second is that he thought the result was interesting enough to share, but mainly that he used AI to do it, and he didn’t hesitate to admit it. Bring back the shame.”

“It was strong on many levels.”

Beth went through Matt’s grid and found that some of the captions – not all – had an AI air about them. He went back to their first conversation on Hinge and suddenly, all of his catchy lines looked suspicious. “There were no dashes or anything like that, but the one who opened his mouth heard turned off; it didn’t sound like him.”

He started blowing. Just how much of their virtual connection is made up of the likes of ChatGPT and Claude? Had he used AI to choose the pub they went to on the second date, which was oddly central instead of their respective locations in east and south London? Had he given their conversations to a bot to make a smooth response?

Along with that suspicion came another feeling, which Beth admits can seem superficial: that the AI ​​is embarrassing, thus Matt was embarrassed, and less attractive to her than before. He made him drink.

Beth is not alone in getting AI ick. Many people today have bad ideas about the use of AI, according to him a study conducted by the Match Groupwho owns dating apps including Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid. 51 percent of women aged 18 to 24 say they would refuse to date someone using an AI-enabled app, according to the survey. In general, studies point to negative feelings about AI outweighing positive feelings, so it’s no surprise that these feelings spill over into our romantic relationships.

These negative views of AI are contradicted by the increasing use of, well, everything, Ofcom research says that more than half of UK adults (54 per cent) use AI tools, and this jumps to 79 per cent among those aged 16-24 and 74 per cent of those aged 25-34. The data suggests that we are using AI in increasingly personal areas of our lives. The most common use of generative AI in both 2026 and 2025 was medicine and friendship, according to AI In The Wild 2026 Report. The 7th most common use (out of 100 on the list) was “relationship advice,” according to the results.

AI isn’t just entering the first world of dating. AI ick affects long-term relationships, too – a wired reporter Alessandra Ram composed “sad wives of AI” to describe many women who are offended by their partners’ overreliance on technology. Men are more likely to use generative AI than womenso it’s not surprising that when I asked people about AI ick issues, only women in heterosexual relationships reported experiencing the problem.

We haven’t yet seen a wave of AI-induced divorces or ‘AI widows’, but couples therapists tell me they’ve heard clients talk about the impact of AI, which can range from anger to thoughts of separation. Amy*, 34, has been with her husband for eight years and doubts AI will lead to a divorce, but admits (anonymously) that she has concerns about her partner’s use of AI.

“I’m worried about how it affects his critical thinking.”

“She uses it to help him make decisions – where to buy a used car, how to write a strongly worded email to the council, what smart shoes to buy for the wedding,” he explained. “I would say he uses it every week, sometimes more. I try not to judge him because I know that many people do the same, and today thanks to the overview of AI, it is not very similar to connecting a question to Google. But I am worried about how it affects his critical thinking; if Chat makes all the decisions for him (sometimes wrongly – AI is prevalent and speaks badly about the market). environment.”

Amy has raised the topic with her husband, but says she “doesn’t see it as a problem”. It’s worth noting that Amy isn’t a total AI, as she’s turned to it for advice on legal and tax matters, making her feel “a bit of a hypocrite”. But still, every time she hears that her husband has used AI for something, the AI ​​ick comes – “as much as you can get ‘ick’ when you’re married!”

Similarly, Nara*’s boyfriend of three years, Sam*, has an AI habit “almost every day” that causes frustration, especially when he uses it to win arguments or prove himself wrong. “I don’t like it when he uses AI as the main source of research on a topic,” said Nara. “It’s a shallow way of understanding something. What I find most troubling is that if I buy him a book on a certain topic, he won’t read the book but will just use AI.” Asked what would change in their relationship if he had a non-AI magic wand, Nara said: “With magic, make him seek information from different sources.

Although AI ick in casual dating is often more about our perception of the type of person who uses AI, in a more serious relationship it can come from a deep injury – caused by the partner turning his back on you and towards a third person, in this case AI. “If AI is used as a partner or as a type of ammunition in a conflict, this can be inflammatory,” he said. Joanna Harrisoncouples therapist and author of Five Arguments Every Couple (Should) Have. “It leaves the other person feeling more defensive and less likely to engage. If AI tends to disagree, and makes one person feel like their opinion is ‘right’, that will make them less curious about their partner’s opinion – and that’s what’s more important, than who’s right, that both people are interested in each other.”

AI can act as an unintended wall between connections. People praise AI because it makes things easier and faster, requiring less human effort. But in a relationship, effort goes a long way. We want our partners to do the same try to show that they care. “Our intimate relationship is a place where we long to be seen, understood, known in a special way,” Harrison continued. “Intimacy is created when the partner shows that he has understood something about us, or shows that they are really trying to understand who we are, and that at the same time they open themselves to be seen and try to express themselves. If AI replaces this, the feeling of a special close connection can be broken,” he adds.

“Take a gift or a date planned and chosen by the partner’s imagination. There is a sense of effort that goes into it, thought that goes into it, a kind of ‘labor’ of love that has gone on to try to cure some expectation. If an AI has chosen a gift or planned a night out, does it feel that close?”

Experts are united in their belief that the answer to AI ick and the misery it causes is not to pretend they don’t see a ghostly internet presence in the room. Jane James18-year-old couples expert, says: “Ignoring yourself is the worst thing to do.”

Instead, a conversation is needed. And as soon as possible. “When a practice, like using too much technology, becomes mainstream, it becomes difficult to raise the topic and it sounds like a contradiction or a criticism,” notes James. “The topic needs to be identified and discussed early. Talk about AI in general together. What are your thoughts? Do you use it? What is it for? Friends use it? Bring it up as a topic like everything else.”

Agreeing on ground rules is wise, but this should not be a total ban on using AI. We aim to compromise, not control. The limit may be that AI should not be used for quality time together. Or conversely, you may agree that it can be used for relationship purposes as long as both partners are involved in the instructions. “Using AI together for planning, investigation, and research is a great idea,” suggests James. “Sharing what you find and using information about jobs etc is good and helpful.”

AI isn’t meant to have a negative impact on your relationship – it’s about how you use it. Harrison says: “If it helps the couple to turn to each other, not away from each other, and supports them to listen more, and see each other’s point of view, then this can be good.” If on the other hand it creates a barrier between them or separates them, then I see it as something that is a little bit useful.”

Finally, if you are a partner who uses AI frequently, be aware of how it can change the way your partner sees you. Carolina*, 45, says that excessive use of AI by an ex-spouse “could destroy the relationship”. They are separated now but his AI post gives him retroactive ick. During our conversation, he uses the following words to describe how his use of AI makes him come across: “narcissistic, wanky, shameful, deceitful, and desperate.” His last note simply described him as “disappointed”. Unless these are words you’d like your partner to use to describe you, perhaps proceed with caution.

Critical thinking, appreciation of human creativity, typos in the realm of perfection – these are things that have never been sexier.

*Names have been changed