While I was one of the lucky ones – I had a few months of protected, paid leave – coming back was still a struggle and a huge adjustment.
So whether you’re about to return to work or have already returned, there are ways to set yourself up for success, Beacom said.
Do the work work better for you
Many times, returning parents think their jobs and schedules are set in stone, so they don’t ask their supervisors what they want, Beacom said.
But for the most part, companies “want you to be happy, engaged and supported,” he says — so you might be surprised at what they agree to.
Beacom shares a few ideas for smoothing your resume.
- What does a good first day, week and month look like? If possible, make a plan and bring it up with your manager before you leave, “so everyone can think about that re-entry before you leave,” says Beacom.
- Set up a brief check-in date with your employer while you’re gone, so both parties feel more confident and prepared about what it takes to come back, Beacom said.
- Plan to come back during the week to give yourself time to quietly warm up, clear your inbox and come back full time the following week.
- Discuss your plan. Maybe changing your work day by half an hour would make a big difference in your commute, or East Coast work hours would be more convenient for pick-up and drop-off.
Your workplace will often be as flexible as you are ask be, said Beacom. So find out how the job can work better for you.
Let “good” be “good enough”
Now that you’re back at work, you may notice something surprising: Your job may feel a little easier.
“Many parents report that having children, because it introduces all these new complexities, can make them more disciplined and better at doing things,” said the brain researcher. Darby Saxbeauthor of a forthcoming book Father Brainon the science of fatherhood.
That doesn’t mean your life as a working parent will be a walk in the park. When you feel overwhelmed, see when you can let “good” be “good enough.”
“My best advice to parents is to lower your standards,” Saxbe said. “Don’t expect to be surprised at everything.” No picture-perfect baby food promotions or late-night emailing awards.
If you have to add more to your plate, be intentional about it, it says Reshma SaujaniCEO of Moms First, an organization that promotes affordable childcare and paid leave. What is the need and what is just a gold star on your record? How much pressure do you put on yourself, and how much is beyond your control?
Finally, cut yourself a little. Becoming a parent can change the brain and body to better meet the needs of caring for your little one — and research shows it can take anywhere several months to two years or more so that the new parent can feel whole again.
“Respect that this is a time of change,” Saxbe said. “Be patient with yourself and realize that you may not be 100% for a while.”
Digital story edited by Meghan Keane. Visual editor is CJ Riculan. We would love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts again Spotifyand subscribe to our newspaper. Follow us on Instagram: @nprilifekit.
